Loved. Sacred. Needed.

I think about how important it is for humans to be included and belong. Sometimes, we find we belong in friendships and communities long before we realize we belong to ourselves. Some of us need to see and feel what being cared for is like before we can introduce it. The adage "You can't love another until you love yourself." I call bullshit (one of my late father's favorite words) on this. I have learned tenderness with myself from some of my most sacred friendships. I have learned to show up for myself and be a soft place to land in dark moments, craving someone else to pick up the pieces. I learned to pick myself up off the floor after being picked up, but loving others.

As an only child, I was suddenly thrust into latch key kid, and taking care of myself at an early age once my parents divorced. I went from a very overprotective childhood to what seemed like a bright light in my eyes, shining vulnerability and exposure. I had a lot of time alone as a child. Some of this created a way to survive and it also created a lot of lonely. With lonely there is no example and no mirror to help. We live in a world where there is a lot of lonely now. Lonely staring at screens, lonely in relationships, in families, in work and in community. Lonely in big houses behind closed doors and small apartments with the same.

In recent years I have detected the difference between isolation and self-care. It feels very different. Self-care fills up, isolation is lonely, bare, and not a place to make nourishing choices for ourselves. What about those who still need to be able to distinguish this? What is our responsibility to care for other humans who need to find solace?

For us in community, the responsibility is enormous, and it is small. It is small moments that create a massive shift. A smile at a stranger, checking in with a neighbor you haven't seen out front. It is taking a step back before reacting; it is opening a door for another to remind us all there is good in the world. I have taken lately to sending cards again, the handwritten kind to inquire and reach out to another. I even get brave enough sometimes to call a friend I haven’t spoken to in a long while. Although, I admit most of all I try to treat those I do not know in passing with a reverence. This does carry to my own home, too.

I watch in the retreats I lead or classes I teach the stiffness of the unknown in our bodies, only to soften once we realize we are a part of something, that we are important and honored. I see it when one of my teenagers is facing something new; a sports team, a job, a new class. They soften once a part of. Judgements lessen. Hearts open. Smiles ensue.

What if this was our mantra, “I see you, you are a part of loved, you are sacred, and you are needed.” Yes, this is a lot to get out all at once, but the feeling will be there over time. The mantra words can disappear, but the feeling and intention will be there.

How would we interact and react with this mantra every day? With our partners, families, clients, work, and small communications with those we do not know?

You are loved, sacred and needed.

I believe we will have a big shift for good. Less isolation, more inclusion, and a lot more love.

Let’s try this. Together.