Reflecting on Sensitivity
I have been reflecting lately on my sensitivity. It may be an only child thing or my recovering perfectionist when I feel called out. But, I realized I have also begun to soften to it all decades in. Feedback? Not my thing; I am bracing for it or want to know what it is before it comes. However, my two sweet teen boys seem to be able to call me out and I soften. I hear them. Direct feedback at the moment or a “mom” impression from me? I take it in and softly. I even giggle.
Like many, I have spent a great deal of time compartmentalizing for myself and others. The different hats we wear showing up only for those who can deal with that hat or the other. I admire those who seem to land on the planet fully understanding who they are, what they stand for, and how it will all play out.
As a young girl, I knew I stood for kindness, softness, writing long poems or short stories looking out at the northern California rain. I stood for bell bottoms, all the music that spoke to me as a young child in the late 70s. And then my parents divorced. I lost me. Like completely lost me. Absolute confusion and bewilderment at how quickly life can change even when we have seen the signs for years. There, I learned to hold it together while incredibly confused inside. There, I learned how to show up for one parent entirely different from another, one teacher different from the other, and one friend different from another.
It was friendships that helped me uncompartmentalize, it was yoga that helped me uncompartmentalize, it was writing that helped me uncompartmentalize, being a mother has helped me uncompartmentalize, staying present and numbing out through my own divorce helped me uncompartmentalize. Compartmentalizing use to be a way to survive. Separating out all the parts of me that make me, well ME, is not what allows me to live.
I still struggle with bringing it all together, my day gig, yoga, writing, motherhood, partnership, and friendship. But I know I am a better human, a kinder human to show up with all of me.
What does all this mean, these words right here before this one? It means to give yourself time. Time to uncover all that is you, time to rediscover you, the essence of you. And surround yourself with loving humans. I have found loving humans are not always softest to the touch, but they are understanding; they are mirrors with an unconditional love filter. So when we find these souls, we love a little more and judge a little less.
Give yourself time if you struggle to find the right souls by your side. Gently find new friends, gently let go of those who are not right for you. But, above all, be true to yourself. And please know, I, of anyone, know this takes time. Moments, years, decades. We got this, though – you and me. We got this life thing in the most authentic way.
